


What's Left and What's Not

by OilSlickSoftServe



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Canon Divergent, In which Xemnas has a hard time person-ing, KH3 spoilers for obvious reasons, M/M, Redemption AU, post-kh3
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2020-02-29 16:52:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18782281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OilSlickSoftServe/pseuds/OilSlickSoftServe
Summary: One could say things were on the cusp of perfection, now. Radiant Garden was restored, the worlds were saved once again, Xehanort had been defeated, and people who deserved a second chance managed to get one. Still, there was the reason it was truly only on the cusp.The AU and fic the "Another Place" comic compilation is based upon.





	1. Contemplation

                It had been…well…Isa wasn’t sure how long it had been since everything settled down, he’d been disoriented for a good chunk of that time. He went from living in a world that had no day to visiting and eventually moving to one that had no night. He was feeling a lot of things, and a sense of absolute freedom was one of those; it was both glorious but unnerving. He didn’t know what to do with his time; he didn’t anticipate having it. He spent a lot of time napping and zoning out for the first bit.

                The sun was just starting to set on the small island, the air warm and breeze gentle. The shade was cooler, and given the long sleeves and dark colors, Isa decided to lean against the cool rock wall in it. He gazed off at the shimmering ocean just past the palm trees and the small island with the paopu tree. It was picturesque. He would enjoy it much more if he wasn't so distracted.

                “Hey.”

                Isa looked up to see Terra approaching, who we wasn’t particularly close to, but they could find some common ground. Being vessels was one of them, though Terra had clearly endured the more traumatizing form of being one with his heart being tossed elsewhere and body totally under Xehanort's control. They could hold their conversations pretty easily, at least, which was still much more than what Isa mustered with some of the others.

                “Hello.” Isa said, nodding.

                Terra leaned against the wall next to him with one hand, the other wiping his sweaty forehead then absentmindedly wiping on his exercise shorts.

                “You alright? You’ve been spacing out for about an hour. Every time I passed you on my run it’s been the same. Didn’t know if you were going through heat stroke or something…”

                Isa flatly replied, “I am, thank you for your concern.”

                A few seconds of silence.

                “A lot to think over, I guess.” Terra added, sounding like it wasn’t for Isa as much as himself.

                Isa turned his gaze back to the water, thin eyebrows furrowing lightly. “Indeed.”

                Not moving his eyes but shoulders tensing, he uttered, “…Terra, if I may ask you something.”

                “What is it?” Terra asked, pressing his back to the cool stone.

                “You’re connected to Xemnas in some form, yes?”

                “Yeah, sort of.” Terra said stiffly. “He’s my Nobody under a few technicalities.”

                “Does that mean after time travel matters were done away with, he returned to you?”

                “I…don’t know. He was my Nobody after I was possessed and with all that time junk… he might have just stopped _being.”_ Terra shrugged. “That was his thing, right? Nothingness?”

                Isa silently returned to staring out at the shimmering horizon, eyebrows remaining furrowed. That could very much be the case; not everyone could be saved.

                Terra awkwardly sidled closer until they were about two feet apart. “You guys were close—or kind of close, right? I know it was complicated, at least.”

                Isa retained his stare, but his shoulders tensed. “One could say that. We were… _involved_.”

                He sighed and turned to Terra, watching his face get a shade pinker as he processed that sentence; the man seemed pretty…naïve about some things until he gave it thought. Maybe it was awkward since Xemnas’s body was basically a carbon copy of his sans hair and eye color and age. The notion of someone who looked almost exactly like you being, well, engaged in intimate matters with the person he was talking would be a bit weird, Isa figured.

                 He replied, “I guess one could also say we didn’t stop there, though it was unintentional. Such things weren’t acted upon for a plethora of obvious reasons. Our plans were going in different directions.”

                “I’ve never really had any experience with something like that, but I can see how that’d stick with you.” Terra said.

                "Well, it sounds like your love life is better than mine." Chuckled Isa flatly. "I suppose you likely don’t have his memories, or at least not at the surface. It’s a unique situation. It’s not as though you’re the same person, regardless.”

                Terra slid down against the wall until he was sitting, feeling like they’d be here a bit longer.

                “Do you… _want_ him to come back?” He hesitantly asked.

                Isa stiffened more than he already had been, uttering, “I’ve acknowledged his passing—it was inevitable. He was doomed from the start and I’ve had my share of grief reserved for him and that whole situation."

                He added, quieter, "He’s gone.”

                His arms folded tightly over his chest as he stared up at the fluttering green foliage in the breeze above. He looked over to Terra with a scowl.

                “Is it unreasonable that I still care about him?”

                Okay, so they'd probably be here _a lot_ longer.

                “I think it depends on who you ask, but _I_ don’t think so. It’s pretty normal to care about people, even if you’re not best friends or family or anything. I think the Organization really ended up being like a weird version of family after a while, based on what I've heard other previous members say.” Terra said.

                “Well,” Isa huffed, a small wry smile twitching onto his face, “I’m glad someone agrees.”

                 Lea had a bit of a bias against Xemnas or any of the other initial vessels, so he was pretty useless in actually getting anywhere with this type of conversation about him, let alone Isa's attachment to him. A neutral party (or a more neutral party, at least) served him well.

                “Do you want to walk around while we talk? It might feel better and help you think.” Terra suggested, receiving a nod which prompted him to stand back up.

                He slowly to a few steps next to Isa, trying to gauge how fast he was going to go. “What got you thinking about this all of a sudden?”

                “I’ve heard he was lonely, Riku said it in some conversation about Nobodies.” Isa muttered. “It’s weird to think he was, to some effect, human. He was just never allowed to truly be one.”

                “He was kind of a tool, wasn’t he?” Terra sighed.

                Isa gave him a questioning look given the abrupt and uncharacteristic insult.

                Oh.

                “I—I mean like he was just a cog in the machine of Xehanort’s plan and that’s all he ever got to be.” Terra quickly corrected.

                “Ah. Well, he was a bit of both.” Isa chuckled dryly.

                They kept walking, footfalls syncing up. They’d occasionally perk up like they wanted to say or ask something but withdrew again.

                “I’ve been having dreams, too.” Isa finally stated after about five minutes of rolling that fact around in his head.

                “Dreams about him?”

                “Yes. He’s not always fully there, though, but I sense him. I’m not sure how to describe it.”

                These dreams had disturbed his sleep in recent weeks more than he would like to admit, with flickering and distorted phantoms in his peripheral or only being in his field of vision for far too briefly for him to process at the time. He always knew it was him, though. He was always just out of reach, but it felt like he _wanted_ to be reached.

                Xemnas looked almost like a neural network was either trying to scrub him from existence in the moment or bring him fully into vision, but movement or some internal corruption hindered its accuracy: a cacophony of features and thin strands of him dancing about erratically every second took his place.

                Terra gazed at the shore ahead of them, pensively saying, “Well, if you think about someone or something a lot, you end up dreaming about it in one way or another. It might also be you trying to tell yourself something.”

                “I don’t think there’s much to glean from them, actually.”

                “You never know, but I guess some dreams are really just dreams.” Terra shrugged.

                They walked back to where Isa originally was. Isa was content to take a break and slip his jacket off and tie it around his waist.

                “I, uh, guess you can ask if the replica program is doable for him, but I don’t think Even’s going to be on board with it.” Terra offered.

                Isa slowed to a stop and ripped his stare at the ground away to the ocean, watching it turn shades or orange and pink as the sun set further.

                Terra quickly added, “Even if Xehanort saw the light, no pun intended, it doesn’t mean he will, so don’t be surprised if Even’s going to attempt to get you committed for even asking if it’s possible.”

                “I’m well aware.” Isa grunted. “There’s no shame in asking, he could do a lot for Radiant Garden’s restoration and historical documentation and that could appeal to them.”

                “Even if they agree, you’ll have to find him first.”

                “Correct.” Isa opened a dark corridor, which everyone complained about him doing but he was stable enough to handle it and knew to keep moving. “I’d better get searching. Thank you, by the way.”

                “Yeah, no problem. Good luck!” Terra smiled, waving slightly as he watched him disappear in the swirling shades of purple.

                Terra had no idea how this was going to pan out, but hopefully it was good and not totally apocalyptic. Boy, his legs were starting to get sore, too. Maybe he'd head home, too.

 

 

                “You want to _what?_ ” Even squawked as Isa took a seat on a hard steel stool in his office.

                “You speak of atonement for yourself, you’ve forgiven Ansem the Wise, why not anyone else? The option is there for him to be able to.” Isa asked flatly while he looked around.

                As one would expect, Even's office was simultaneously sterile but chaotic. It must have been one of those cases where it was pretty messy, but Even knew _exactly_ where specific things were. It was probably unbearably annoying to try to find things, too, because he'd chew out anyone who disrupted everything too badly when trying to find a certain file or what-have-you. It made Isa glad to only help out sometimes and it was often more with Ienzo.

                Wait, if he was going to convince Even, he'd probably end up working with him on this to some degree! Damn it.

                “But this is a direct product of Xehanort we’re talking about!” Even snapped, bringing him back into the moment.

                “And a man who has known a normal life for decades who still jeopardized and used the lives of children for vengeance gets a pass? The one who held the interests of the heart of an 8-year-old to the same degree of accountability as an adult's?”

                Even groaned, walking past to grab some files from a cabinet while avoiding his stare. “And if he tries any more schemes of apocalyptic proportions? The boy isn’t here to take him down.”

                “Think of it this way, we have more man-power to take him or anyone else on and he knows what happened here thus he can fill in records when they were not able to be recorded.”

                “Judging by the plans he was going along with, he may not be inclined to be so honest with us.”

                "You haven’t heard of his last moments, I suppose. There was the window of opportunity for him to be swayed.”

                Even sat down stiffly at the desk, groaning, “I can’t believe I’m saying this to _you_ , but you’re thinking with your emotions too much, Isa.”

               “I know there’s the risk of him doing something but there _are_ multiple wielders together now, and some are masters. We’re much more coordinated than before, we know what we’re dealing with, and we aren’t going to be dealing with a whole organization again.”

               “As reassuring that that is, we're still in the dark on so much.”

               Isa crossed his legs in his set, as he tended to do. “If it must appeal to you, consider that he could be used as a guinea pig for recovering a heart that is very new and likely still fairly damaged that will possibly have to have write-in data used to fill in the gaps. I would also say it’s a heart steeped in darkness, but I'd hazard nothingness is still prevailing with him. He’s a whole new case scientifically, if we must make him sound  _useful_ to you to consider.”

                Even elected to ignore the mild venom in the latter part of that last sentence.

                “Filling in the gaps with data? That very well may be practical to understand as an extension to what we’ve done already, but how do we even retrieve him should he even still be somewhere? And what of any possible side-effects?” He grunted thoughtfully, “He may not end up stable.”

               "It's worth attempting, if you ask me. If it fails, we know what we can work on.” Isa replied. "I have plans to reach him."

               “How so?” Even asked while he opened a notepad and started scribbling down the details and hypotheses he was already coming up with.

               “He and I were… _close_. With other members he was fond of like Xigbar being M.I.A., as useful as he would have been, I’m probably the best bet to try to make contact. I don't know how I'll do it, but I'm going to try.”

                “You may attempt, and I’m sure you would do so regardless of whether I suggested it or not.”

               Even paused and quickly added, jabbing at the air in Isa's direction with his pen. “It doesn’t mean I’m giving in! I just know your ambition is an unstoppable object and you’ll do this without my permission! We’ll have to see! If you succeed in retrieving him, we're going to store his heart safely, first.”

               “That's a start I can be satisfied with. Thank you for hearing me out.” Isa said, bowing his head politely. “I’ll see to bringing him here one way or another."

               He stopped, hand on the doorknob, stating, "And if this is a mistake, I will handle it myself.”

               Even stared warily at him as Isa rose to his feet and walked out. Okay, well, this was happening. At least it would be interesting and scientifically beneficial. Even could see the pros among the cons, and they had means of containing Xemnas, so a lot could be prevented if they were careful. His interest was piqued as he ran through every variable, potential issue, potential new information...maybe in the case of Sora they could also...

                “Well…Thank me when we get the job done.” Even said, though Isa was already gone.


	2. Seeking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isa sets out to look at his options in bringing Xemnas back. Some are closer than anticipated.

               Isa figured the way to find Xemnas would either be very simple or obscenely complex. He wasn’t sure which one he hoped for; simple would make it a lot easier and quicker but unlocking some new information on the heart in the process after going through a labyrinth of light and darkness bullshit would be incredibly satisfying and would definitely use up some of his free time. If it required the power of awakening, then he’d be screwed, though. At the same time, Xemnas was reaching out to him _somehow_ , so maybe that offered a loophole or a whole other avenue of options since his heart wasn’t sleeping…by the look of it.

               Isa was going to be careful regardless; he’d like to _at least_ survive the ordeal if it even occurred and succumbing to his own inner darkness or the vacuum of nothingness—if he should encounter it and given the nature of Xemnas, he might—didn’t sound all that great. Baby steps were the way to go. Failing and running now then coming back to go at it with more know-how later was the way to go. If he was being contacted for this long, he also doubted Xemnas would suddenly go anywhere.

 _Alright,_ he thought sitting with crossed legs on the floor, hands rested on his knees, _I should enter a state of clarity before anything…maybe I'll figure something out._

               He envisioned nothing, he fought the impulse for his brain to create images and tuned the world around him out. A calm settled over him and he thought of himself walking through the vast emptiness, trying to find a guide along the way. He sensed nothing. No sensation of being by another person, none of that odd tingling unease he felt when he had the dreams with the static-y Xemnases (Xemnas? Xemnasi? Xemnasae? He'd never considered what a plural version of Xemnas would be), and no sign he was getting anywhere by doing that. Oh well.

               Opening his eyes and stretching, Isa groaned. He felt calm, sure, but that didn’t exactly make any real progress. He had to wonder if he could find _her_ this way, too, whatever that way was.

               Isa knew how to dive into his own heart; pretty much anyone figured out how to do that. Maybe that was the key. He picked up his Gummiphone and sent a text to Ienzo.

_Keep the replica on stand-by, I’m going to try._

              So, he did. Closing his eyes again, he zoned in on himself, reaching deep, deep into his own core and sense of self until he felt the breach. His pulse thudded through him as he stepped onto his heart station and a pathway of some type of energy flickered into existence. It formed a wispy path of black and white tendrels. He focused in on that and headed that way down the trail, footsteps light and floaty like trying to walk in chin-high water. The trail soon dissolved and he drifted downward.

               Isa cracked an eye open and all he saw was the typical darkness above him with the beam of light. Looking down, he saw a pale circle nearing. That seemed promising.

               As he got closer, he could see it was basically the template of a heart station, a sterile white with much of it blank or smeared. In the center, home, there were the towers of the Castle That Never Was. He landed on it softly and paced around, examining it further. Maybe he should reach out more; if Xemnas was weakened, then maybe he wouldn’t show up near-instantly like others do.

                But then again, he could get there and there was even a path. It was like he was invited in.

                Isa zoned back in, his mind blank but focused. He leaned into the energy, and he felt that energy shift.

                More of the thorny black and white tendrils slithered up the edge of the station and the air grew thick with a silent, otherwise indescribable cacophony of _everything_. They congregated to the center, forming a writhing and pulsating cocoon. They dissolved and glints of armor slowly peeked through. The remaining ones slipped through the Nobody emblem on chest of the damaged armor, rousing it. It descended, feet making contact with the glass floor and massive sleeves slowly drifting down like silk through water.

               “Not open to discussion right away?” Isa grunted, Lunatic flashing into his hand.

 _Huh. Perhaps it’s a defense mechanism? If his heart is as weakened or incomplete as I think it may be, that might be the case. He’s not one to wing it, he likes to be one step ahead at all times._ Isa thought. _Unless he’s **been** preparing._

                The armor’s head slowly and robotically turned to face him.

                “I always figured I would have to fight you at some point, if you're even in there,” Isa said, “I just never would have thought it would be for _this_.”

                The armor patiently waiting for any movement.

_I guess it makes sense he's not going to be welcoming at first when my plans have all involved betraying him. I didn't expect him wanting to fight as soon as I got here, though. Still, if he’s at full strength, there’s no way I could win this._

                It was still better to try, he doubted fleeing was an option by this point. Isa leapt forward and jabbed the point of the hilt into the armor, using him flinching as an opportunity to send a kick into him. _I need a plan, this isn't going to do much if it's ALL I'm doing. I'll be worn out before I wear **him** out. Shit..._

                The armor grabbed the free end of the claymore and swung, twisting it out of Isa’s grip and sending it flying across the heart station with a clatter. He charged as Isa rolled and coiled up to dodge. The claws of the armor slashed across Isa's back, eliciting a snarl and retaliatory punch.

                Isa saw red.

                Re-summoning Lunatic, he rose and charged. He swung the end _intended_ for enemy contact and heard a crunch as it ripped into metal and threw the armor to the side. He thrusted the top spikes of Lunatic into the window of the armor's chest and felt a tingling go up his hands and arms. He braced himself and rammed it further in, then again, and then again before twisting it out. His rage wasn't what it used to be, he was fizzling out already.

                 He leapt back and charged forward again, swinging higher this time. With a loud but hollow _clang_ , the helmet flew into the darkness below. Isa froze as he came down and panic crackled through him instead. _What did I just do?_  He wondered as he cautiously stepped closer to the armor on the ground. Once he got closer, he could see that it was empty. He sighed shakily and stood up, relieved. Of course, he then realized there was no way anything vaguely humanoid would survive being hit like that in the first place, and there was no way Xemnas would take all the hits without putting up more of a fight. The armor was essentially an empty dummy.

                Isa relaxed, body drained of energy. He sighed weakly and glanced around. If that was just a guard, where was Xemnas?             

                As it turned out, animated armor didn't need a head. Isa found this out as it rushed him and smacked him to the side. He laid there, stunned and limbs still quivering from his earlier barrage of attacks. Well, this was pretty awful. He could berserk again and turn it to scrap metal, but his body would hate him for it and the migraine coming on wasn't too kind to him.

               His limp body was held up by the neck, the claws of the armor digging into his throat. Awful, indeed. Isa wriggled and managed a few irritated kicks in the armor's direction enough to dent it.

               "That's quite enough."

               He felt the fingers around his throat loosen.

               The armor dissolved, and he collapsed to the ground. Gasping, he looked to the side where Xemnas stood, arms now neatly tucked behind his back and expression stern.

               "That was a line of defense from a part of me that gained its own personality over time, to my chagrin. What brings you here?" Xemnas asked, walking over and offering a hand.

               "You don't know? You’ve been calling.” Isa replied as he stood on shaky legs. “Maybe it was subconscious, but it was you.”

               Xemnas stared at him, pondering or scrutinizing—Isa wasn’t sure—and eventually started leisurely pacing about.

               “I've no recollection, so it must be. What is the goal of being here?” He asked.

               "To bring you back. We can implant your heart in a replica--or attempt to. Your heart is likely fragile and given you are a heart more adjacent to darkness, it’s a new territory and data will be used more significantly than previous exact replicas of pre-existing people." Isa quickly added as he casted Cura, "We’re optimistic, however.”

               Slowing, Xemnas stared off into the distance with his hands behind his back again. "And how do I know I can trust you?"

               Despite the justifiable reasoning behind that, it still stung a bit.

               "I...would have no reason to take all this effort to make contact, let alone fight you, if I had anything like what you're imagining planned. I'd just leave you here."

               That was true. Xemnas looked to him, expression unreadable. "So, even if I _was_ calling, why did you answer and go through all of this? You want to bring me back, but why?"

               "I don't think I can articulate without sounding selfish or for the reasons to sound anything but...pitifully basic." Isa stated, looking away and watching the heart station's pattern shift slightly.

               "I still want to know. It'd only be fair for me to know exactly _why_ you're motivated to bring me back to the land of the living."

               "Well," Isa said hesitantly, "You know the history of worlds like Radiant Garden as well as matters of the heart even when you lacked one, yourself. We're interested in you helping to fill in some gaps and document those as well as the ins and outs of what happened with Xehanort."

               "I would say those are still practical even if they are self-serving. Someone seldom acts on something if it isn't to some capacity."

              Isa's veneer of cool confidence cracked. "It...also doesn't feel right without you there. I know there isn't a way for it to be acceptable for you to be back if you were in your old ways, but it still feels wrong for you to have just disappeared. All the other Nobodies returned normally, you didn't." 

                Hands on his hips, Xemnas stated, "Because I never was my own human in the first place. I'm a byproduct of Terra's possession."

                "I know, but do you _want_ to be your own human?" Isa looked back to him, perking up.

                "It would be interesting, in the very least, to experience." Xemnas lowered his head, sighing, “However, I can’t come with you.”

                “You don’t want to?”

                “The strength of a heart and all it entails was never something I never had the privilege of having unrestrained.” Xemnas explained, hand pressed to his chest.

                Isa folded his arms while he watched him start to pace again. “Nonsense. The strength also comes from the people you know. Self-sufficience is admirable and necessary, but _you_ don’t have to be your only source of strength. None of us should be our only source forever.”

                Xemnas slowed next to him, not looking at him but clearly listening.

                Isa resumed. “Strength is also not something static, it is something to gain or lose and you know that. I think you’re strong enough to handle it, because you have the potential and the drive to exist and because you have us to lean on. You were vying for a heart for so long, and now you're going to give up?”

                “Who is _‘us_?'”

                “What remains of the Organization, namely the original one.”

                “That implies they trust me or would want me to be back.”

                _And for the few who still have their roles to play...but that is beyond me at this point. Surely they would not want to trust me when I've allowed them to fulfill the fates they've been condemned to, all the same._

                “And such a trust is to be found again for people like Even and Ansem the Wise, and it could also be found for you.” Isa offered his hand, and stirring Xemnas from his thoughts. “If it goes south purely from their end, though I doubt it, I’ll protect you while you recover.” He added.

                Xemnas looked down at it, eyebrows furrowed.

                “But is that strength enough to even keep me in a body?”

                “We can see, and if you aren’t, you’ll end up back here or breach the barrier between here and thereafter. Even if the replication fails, you would at least be able to potentially pass on.”

                Either result was positive in one way or another, though with the type of thoughts whirling around his mind Xemnas didn't feel much like fully dying. Xemnas tore his stare from Isa’s hand to his face, jaw firm. At the very least, if he _were_ to die, he may be able to find Ansem (the actually cool one) in the final place.

                Isa met his eyes, asking, “If I may, what is it you think you called to me for?”

                “…Closure, perhaps. Or something like it.” Xemnas stiffly answered, almost shyly. "We always ended up leaving to attend to our fates before anything else could be said."

               Isa nodded. _I had to accept that for any plans of personal redemption at the time, I had to give you up and betray you every time. It was for the best for everyone. Even if we were honest at the time, that wouldn't have changed anything in the major scheme of things. You still would have died but it would have hurt more. Maybe it was also for the best we can only find this closure now._

               Sighing, he ran a hand up his arm. “I want that, too. I want to figure this whole... _thing_  out once and for all. We've been sitting on it for far too long, even if it was for the better that we never acted on it.”

               Xemnas's gaze drifted from Isa's face, to his offered hand, and to the one now resting on his shoulder. Yeah, no, death wasn't on his agenda for now.

               "So, what do I do?." Xemnas asked, lifting his hand to take Isa's but pausing halfway.

               A small, relieved smile twitched onto Isa's lips, and he said, “Just relax and they’ll do the rest. They’re monitoring for your heart to receive the replica body safely.”

              "If I don't make it?"

              "I'll hope that you'll wait for me to catch up."

               Xemnas chuckled dryly (and somewhat nervously, to the capacity of anxiety he could feel, anyhow) and took the offered hand. He felt lightheaded as all tactile sensations faded, then it all went white.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finally updated this! I was going to make it 2 chapters, the last being a long one but I've decided the break between this scene and the later parts is a good spot to break them into 2 chapters, themselves. Also lets it be updated faster next time!


	3. Clarity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xemnas comes home, and damn, feelings are something, alright...

_That light…_

          The world spun, blurry and warping, as Xemnas came to. The sterile white ceiling became his point of focus as he fought the heaviness of his body and the ache in his temples. His heart (the literal one) felt foreign in his chest as he became aware of it pounding. As his vision cleared, he frowned.

          The light was…an actual light. It was the one above his bed in the Castle That Never Was. Well…

          He stiffly rolled over and his legs immediately bumped into someone sitting on the edge of the bed.

          “Someone’s finally awake.”

          Xemnas stiffly sat up, frown deepening as he met his eyes. “Saïx…”

          Saïx looked…different. His eyes were no longer gold, his ears were no longer pointy, and he was wearing some kind of dark blue and grayscale camo track suit. It appeared his taste for track suits never faded with time...

          “Just how many times am I going to need to hook you up with a replica body?” Isa asked, a small smile forming.

          “Replica…?” Xemnas looked down at his gloved hands, then at the rest of himself.

          He looked like he usually did. Looking to Saïx—or Isa, technically—for answers, his eyes narrowed.

          “What has been happening and why are you so different? Why did I need a replica body and since when were they so complete?”

          “It’s a long story. It would help me if you told me what you last remember.” Isa said.

          “I…”

          He _could_ remember things, but they were all jumbled together and completely unclear. Scenes and conversations were all smearing into one-another—indiscernible.

          “…I can’t say. Nothing is clear, but at the same time I still know who everyone is and where we are.”

          Isa sighed softly. “They said this could be an issue even with time-travel not being involved. It should be temporary, however.”

          Rising to his feet, he opened a dark corridor and walked over to Xemnas to help him up. “Even and the others will want to look you over, make sure you took to the replica entirely and are stable. We should head over there.”

          “Even? Vexen was…?” Xemnas uttered.

         "Oh, almost everyone's back...if you remember as much that we've all faded."

         Xemnas silently followed him.

 

          “You’ve captured the escapee, I see.” Even mused while he guided Xemnas over to an examination table.

          Isa followed them, nodding. “It wasn’t a hard guess to figure out where he would have subconsciously chosen to go to. It’s not everyday a half-attached replica summons a dark corridor and escapes in the middle of the night, though.”

          “Maybe it’s what he needed to complete the process.”

          “That spark hearts need to attach to replicas?”

          “Yes.” Even turned to Xemnas and attached some sensors to him. “Maybe a bit homesick?”

          “…I suppose.”

          “He’s having some amnesia, right now.”

          “Ah.”

          Xemnas watched Even work and occasionally glanced over at Isa leaned against the wall, calm but curious.

          “You’re looking fairly healthy, about the same as you’ve always been.” Even said as he scribbled the numbers and some other notes down.

          The lab door opened with a quiet whir. Dilan and Aeleus apprehensively entered the room, Ienzo not far behind.

          Xemnas seemed to perk up at more familiar faces.

          “Is he cooperating?” Ienzo asked warily.

          “Yes, we’re just finishing scanning for issues and instability.” Even replied, beckoning him over.

          “Oh, yes. Where do you plan on staying?” He turned to Xemnas, “Isa’s place?”

          “Can I not return to the castle?”

          “It’s too isolated if something goes wrong. I’m sure you would want to be around someone who knows what’s going on, too.”

          “I only went to your room, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it being abandoned for over a year caused some issues in other parts of it. If there was a crack with all that rain...” Isa added.

          “It’s been a year since everyone was there?”

          “About. It’s been a bit longer than that.”

          Xemnas looked down at his hands.

          “Why can’t I remember why none of us were there like usual? And I forgot a year and a half?” He wondered, eyebrows furrowed.

          “You’ve been dead for a year, so it’s not as though we expect you to know what was happening during that.” Isa shook his head.

          “You’ll remember everything you were present for as time goes on. The data supplementation stabilizing your heart needs to settle in.” Ienzo reassured, giving him a faint, cautious smile.

          “Don’t worry about it for now, just go and get some rest and everything will fall into place soon enough.” Even added.

          Ienzo tapped Even’s shoulder, pointing to a particular screen. “Even, he has some physical instabilities…”

          “Oh—yes, those are rather minor, he should be fine if he doesn’t get hurt in the near future.”

          “Well, you’re cleared to go,” Even began, nodding to Xemnas, “just get some rest and come in in the near future for a check-up.”

          Nodding, Xemnas turned to Isa.

          “And Isa--” Even quickly added, “—no more dark corridors!”

          “Sure thing. We have a ride, anyway.” Isa grunted.

         They left, silently walking through the halls as Dilan and Aeleus trailed behind them.

         “Oh, he _did_ wake up.” Lea observed as Isa and Xemnas left the castle.

          “And it would serve him well to not be overwhelmed at the moment.” Isa quickly stated before Lea could accost him, even if just verbally. “He’s confused, as is.”

          “Oh man, he’s more unstable than they thought he’d be?” Lea asked and walked alongside him.

          “I guess some temporary memory issues are common for replicas.”

          “Oh. Well, he’s alive. That’s the goal.”

          Xemnas silently followed them to the gummiship and additional seating slid up from the floor. He sat down, head to remain low and his eyes focused on the floor for most of the ride. His head was back to swimming. It seemed like once he stopped moving, he’d feel dizzy and tired.

          Isa was reading a note Even had written regarding potential side effects of how they’d transplanted Xemnas’s heart, subtly offering his hand to him lest he wanted some physical contact. He was warned that the state of his heart and how it no longer carried part of Xehanort's could lead to a milder temporary “zombie mode” similar to Roxas except a bit less severe as he adjusted alongside the temporary memory loss. That seemed to be the case. He didn’t expect him to be overly talkative by any means, but Xemnas seemed fairly out of it.

          Xemnas just gazed at his hand, almost curiously, then returned to spacing out in the floor’s direction.

          “How’s it been going?” Lea asked Riku, who was adjusting the steering wheel.

          “It’s been as good as it could be. We’re looking into what we can do.”

          “It sucks, man.”

          “Yeah, we—we lost a lot of light here with him gone.” Riku nodded. “An irreplaceable light.”

          Lea grunted in acknowledgment, watching Riku with a knowing albeit sad smile.

          “We all want Sora back.”

          “I know.”

          “But the way you miss him’s a bit different than us, huh?”

          Riku went silent for a few seconds before morosely chuckling, voice still warm all the same, “Yeah, I guess it is.”

          As they warped off to Twilight Town, they settled into a silence. It wouldn’t take long, so there was no point in catching a nap.

          “Just let me know if you need a ride back there.” Riku said while he lowered the ship and the door opened.

          “Noted, thank you. We should be fine after this, though.” Isa nodded, waving him off while the door closed.

          “Let’s get back to my place. It'll be quieter there.” Isa suggested, patting Xemnas’s shoulder and setting out the ship and off up the hill to his apartment.

          Xemnas silently complied.

          They stepped into an alley and up a metal staircase to a second-floor door. Isa unlocked it, pushing it open as its stubborn hinges whined in protest. Once inside, Isa slipped his shoes off and Xemnas removed his boots. Home, sweet home.

          “Allow me…to guess as to where we currently are in the scheme of things.” Xemnas began, turning to him. “We’re all human now, yes? Hearts and all?”

          Isa nodded.

          “And something happened with Sora? Was he defeated?”

          “Yes, in a sense, but it was more like he sacrificed himself.”

          Xemnas paused to look in the mirror across the apartment, stunned by the rounded ears (that still had a bit of a point but much more natural) and orange eyes that had lost some intensity. They were a bit closer to amber, now. He wondered if his connection to darkness was diminished in a way he was unable to sense at the moment; he was a bit discombobulated, as it were.

          “And we are no longer vessels.” He said.

          “Correct. We’re all free.” Isa replied. “I know Xehanort used most of us like jars to hold part of him while exacerbating our inner darkness, but he had more of an influence on those made directly from him, yes?”

          “Something akin to that.”

          “It must feel strange to be without that for the first time.”

          Xemnas shrugged. He figured not having a life outside of the prior plans had more power over him, but then again, he’d only been awake for about two hours and he was still feeling groggy.

          Isa stepped over to the kitchen area of the apartment and looked it over, frowning lightly. “We should eat something soon. I’m not in a cooking mood, are you partial to takeout?”

          “I’ve never had it before.” Xemnas replied, watching him pick up his gummiphone.

          “I can think of a few things you’d probably like.”

          Xemnas glanced around the apartment some more and inspected some of the decorations while Isa spoke with the other person. The apartment had a mostly bare red and brown brick walls with a few exceptions of the one between what looked to be the bedroom and bathroom and the main room—simple cream walls. Decorations were also simple with a framed scenic watercolor painting hung over a squat light-wooded bookshelf, a worn gray plaid rug in front of the couch, a few succulents basking on the kitchen’s windowsill…

          “The food should be here in about fifteen minutes.”

          “Ah, alright.” Xemnas acknowledged fairly awkwardly.

          Isa walked over and sat down on the couch, patting the other end of it in invitation.

          Xemnas obliged and stiffly joined him. Once he leaned back, he felt his body slacken without his input. He really _was_ still tired.

          “How are you feeling?” Isa asked him.

          “I’m not sure, but I’m calm enough to be having this conversation, that has to count for something.” Xemnas replied.

          He averted his eyes to the pullstrings of his coat, rolling one of the pull-string chains between his fingers and examining it.

          “How has it been after…everything that happened? It seems like an ordeal based off how everyone speaks of it.” He softly asked.

          “It’s mostly been re-acclimating to normal life and hard conversations, honestly. Oh, plenty of sleeping until noon, as well. Everyone else from the organization has gotten back on their feet well enough.” Isa said.

          “And you and Ax--Lea?”

          “You remember our little spat, out of all things…” Isa chuckled dryly. “We reconciled, for the most part. We aren’t back together _romantically_ , mind you, we’ve outgrown what we had in that sense. My affections lie elsewhere, by this point.”

          Xemnas didn’t look up, but his fingers paused. “I’m surprised.”

          “Quite a few of the others were, too. Feelings and relationships evolve, though, and it naturally happened to ours. I’m surprised _you’re_ surprised, though.”

          “Hm.”

          They didn’t talk about much else, they just wanted to eat and Xemnas needed to rest. Even if he had been knocked out for a week in a physical body before his body went on the run for a while, it was taking a lot of work adjusting back to _having_ one and all the energy-sapping processes a body contained, especially when awake. Damn, if food wasn’t a welcome thing again, though.

          Xemnas was content to sleep on the couch, a few spare blankets enveloping him like a cocoon. Anything was more comfortable than the surgical-style table he was on in the lab while his vitals were being examined. He went to bed at about 9 PM, so there was still plenty of time for Isa to do something and not worry about him. He just hoped Xemnas would remember where the bathroom was--he had to remind him twice even though it was just down the hallway to his bedroom. Ah, brain fog...

          He settled on running to the convenience store that had just opened on the corner for some snacks and voice-chat with Lea in his bedroom about the short-term plans of letting Xemnas recover and adjust to regular life on a basic level.

 

          The schedule for the next day involved a lot of rest and Isa sticking around to make sure Xemnas was doing alright. Isa didn’t complain, he was content to laze about and scroll through his gummiphone and read while Xemnas was asleep or just not in the mood to talk. To say the odds of him being a threat was low was an understatement; the man was exhausted. It also meant Isa didn’t really do a whole lot but have to be around to make sure he was still alive.

          Xemnas regained his memory quickly and easily enough; a good night's sleep seemed to help propel the process. By the next morning, he could remember most things that lead up to then, and he seemed pretty comfortable, now. His memory of places was still a bit foggy, but he figured that'd clear up soon, too.

          Emotionally, it wasn’t known, but Isa figured that would be a gradual process. Maybe all emotions would rush in at once within his capacity to feel them, or maybe they would trickle in one-by-one as he experienced something that would elicit them.

          Isa would ask him about it later—he needed extra rest for now.

          Speaking of, Xemnas was wandering about the apartment, just looking things over.

          Looking up from his book, Isa asked. “What are you doing?”

          “Investigating, now that I’m a little more cognitively up-to-date and functional.”

          Well, that made sense. He probably didn’t retain much when he looked around prior.

          “Oh.” Xemnas softly grunted, lifting up a small acrylic frame with a photo of the (original) Organization in it.

          Mostly everyone stared back at the camera, some smiling wider than others while others didn’t smile at all (Xaldin really hated his photo being taken…) as they stood about in the lobby of the castle during some New Year’s Day party years ago. He couldn’t recall that night, but just looking at the image made his chest feel warm but tight. It was before Roxas and Xion came into the picture…

          …but then again, Roxas and Xion were still here. He couldn’t say much about a few others. They’d left to attend to their fates in something he was no longer privy to being informed on.

          Yeah—Xigbar, Demyx, Luxord, Larxene, and Marluxia—gone. Unlike the rest of the Organization, he couldn’t see them again. He knew they jobs they needed to do, to realize their potential and ties to the Keyblade, but he couldn’t help but feel…something. The odd mish-mash family that had formed was fractured and spread about all over again with little hope of all fourteen returning.

          Maybe that was was Terra felt like. God, that thought weighed heavy, like an innate part of him reacted.

          Xemnas frowned as his eyes stung and his vision blurred. Blinking, hot drops of water squeezed out and slid down his face. He wiped them with a soft groan.

          “I’m not sure emotions are what they’re emphasized as.” He softly said.

          Isa looked up curiously and clearly jolted (despite his best effort to suppress it) seeing him standing there tearing up. It wasn't everyday one sees Xemnas cry. Actually, nobody probably saw Xemnas cry before.

          “What are you feeling now?” He asked, sitting up and closing his book.

          “A combination of things.”

          “Concerning?”

          “Everyone, at the moment.” Xemnas set the photo down. “What happened prior, as well.”

          “We’ve all had our time thinking about what happened to us at length.”

          “That’s how it is, isn’t it?” Xemnas bitterly muttered as he trudged over to the couch and sat down.

          “Nothing can ever be the same again—and these feelings are reminding me far more than I’d like them to. Before, it was empty, hollow, like a ghost of the past from the memories of the humans I came from. Now it’s a knife directly to the gut.” He hissed.

          “It’s unfortunate one of the feelings you’ve been exposed to first like this is negative. The upside is that you’ll know the good emotions clearly once you’ve felt the bad, and you have.”

          “The issue is that any happy memory I have is being sullied by the…the negative feelings. The stomach-churning one, especially. I can’t name it because I’ve never personally…”

          “Fear?”

          “No, similar.”

          “Guilt, perhaps?”

          “Maybe…”

          Isa wanted to give him some time to work it out mentally and reflect from the get-go, but Xemnas’ body was in a fragile state; getting his heart to securely remain in the replica was hard even when it went well and it left him vulnerable to spontaneous death—as Even had described it—if he was subject to too much strain this early on. Isa was not one to placate too terribly much (and he wasn’t very good at it), but he also didn’t want him to drop dead right then and there.

          Scooting closer, he rested a hand on his shoulder.

          “Most, if not all, of us have coped well when one considers what occurred. We didn’t get out unscathed, but we survived and then some.”

           Xemnas glared at the ceiling.

          “That doesn’t change anything.” He sighed.

           “It’s not as though everyone is beyond recovery, is what I’m saying.”

          “Even when I acted within the best interest of the members I was closer with, it was still negative—it wasn’t what needed to be done.”

          “You are—or were—a bit morally out of the loop…” Isa sighed, more to himself, “…but think of it this way, experiencing guilt over the events that transpired is still a step forward.”

          “I suppose, but is there any way I could make peace with the remaining others? I’m sure you’ve had to do it, yourself.”

          “Honestly, you’re not in a place where forgiveness is an option for a lot of us even if remorse is something you experience. That’s how it is.” Isa stated, watching him wilt. “The best you can do is be yourself but help make the worlds better places within what the necessity for order allows, and show you aren’t a threat anymore. Depending on the person, they may feel more positively about the current you.”

          Xemnas sighed.

          “You don’t need to figure it all out or find a balance between your inner light and darkness and all that right this second, fortunately. I'd imagine people are willing to give you time.” Isa added, patting his shoulder again, unsure of what else to do in reassurance at the moment.

          Leaning back into the couch, Xemnas stared off. He didn’t like feelings very much so far, they made him feel like absolute shit. Maybe because the things he did really warranted quite a few of them, that he wasn’t an innocent victim of such untoward emotions. That didn’t ease the sting by any means.

          “Well, what about you?” He asked.

          “Pardon?”

          “What can I do to rectify the situation with you, while we’re both here and can talk? You can’t _truly_ speak for the others, but you can speak for yourself.”

          “I—about the same as what I recommend when it comes to everyone else.” Isa replied, unsure of how to answer otherwise.

          “What can I do now? Or at least soon?”

          “Well--what do _you_ think you _should_ do? I don’t have all the answers.”

          Xemnas opened his mouth to reply, but simply closed it again. His gaze settled on Isa’s face, trying to read him (which, given how emotionless he was in affect, wasn’t the most fruitful) and just taking it all in. There was no gleaning anything from that.

          There he was, in Isa’s apartment where he was going to live while his body stabilized and he got his bearings, likely instead of a sterile and unstimulating lab or hospital-esque room, brought back for reasons and ambitions he couldn’t find within himself yet but could be seen by others. Gee, that felt familiar, but at least this time was less…insidious. There he was, despite everything he had done, facing a man who had every right to stop thinking about him completely and had every right to end him once their hearts made contact again. He really didn’t get it.

          And yet there Xemnas was, with a second chance, sought out by this man. He wasn’t sure what he was feeling, now, but it still hurt—sharp and smothering and like he got punched in the chest.

          He _really_ didn’t like this feeling, and Isa’s green eyes locked onto his only made it stronger.

          “Isa.” He murmured. “When I called, why did you answer?”

          Surprised, Isa mulled over the question. He knew the whole second-chance thing would get old when he already established that as a reason going forward with helping revive Xemnas, but as for the initial contact?

          “I think my decision to listen to the dreams came from a place of pity. Your entire life has lacked any sense of normalcy most others experienced, and this was the opportunity to introduce you to such a thing. You never had the opportunity to truly be a _person,_ you've only ever played the role of a pawn in the scheme of things much like the rest of us.”

          “I would say that pity is warranted...somewhat.” Xemnas stated.

          “As for the personal side of this…” Isa softled uttered, eyes drifting to the floor, “…the heart does funny things, sometimes.”

          He continued. “I found myself in a conflicted grief, despite many others thinking I had nothing to grieve other than lost time and hurt feelings. Logically, that should be the truth, but…”

          “I would hazard to say the heart is rather biased in its judgments.”

          Isa nodded stiffly. “And consider me selfish, but a part of me simply wanted to see you again even while knowing the risks. I knew you may not have trusted me, but even if I were to be rebuffed entirely, I wanted to at least say goodbye and have _some_ closure.”

          One hand clenched into a fist in his lap while the other slid onto his.

          “Fortunately, I can say it’s good to be back instead.” A faint smile formed on Xemnas’s lips. “But…I don’t know what type of apology could even make a difference for what has already been done. I doubt much of anything would.”

          Isa, stunned, blinked. He watched Xemnas’s hand withdraw almost shyly and then returned to looking at his face. That answer, he could handle—in fact, he would still find himself questioning any direct apology he _could_ have made this early on…. He slowly wrapped his arms around him and lowered his head onto his shoulder. He could feel Xemnas’s hands cautiously settle on his waist.

          “I’m incapable of forgiveness in this case as much as the rest, you must know that as to not seek that out from me. I simply wish to move on and atone for my own transgressions as much as I humanly can.” He said.

          He took a deep breath and his embrace tightened. “Loneliness is torture, so if you insist on atonement as well, then I’m eager to dispel yours.”

          Isa paused at Xemnas’s body tensing and added, “Riku told me about that, by the way.”

          “Did he.” Xemnas grunted. He didn’t think others would hear about that. Ah well.

          “Plus, we’re free. I may as well try, right?” Isa chortled dryly, burying his face in his shoulder again and his ears getting hot.

          Free, right. Xemnas relaxed somewhat, resting his chin on his shoulder.

          “I was eager to regain my heart with you, back then, despite everything, but I suppose we have that now…” Isa sheepishly continued, voice muffled.

          He received a small hum of acknowledgement, which was definitely a decent response in comparison to the many ways Xemnas could shut down dealing with feelings.

          Isa pulled away, though hesitantly. “You can have a new purpose if you’re insistent upon having one, since Radiant Garden needs some historical documentation filled in and I’m sure you can provide some of it, or perhaps you simply want to live despite your initial circumstances. I’m not sure if you remember me mentioning that yet…”

          He stood and walked over to the fridge to make himself some lunch, much to Xemnas’s chagrin. They both needed to eat, him especially, but…

          “Of course, if you end up doing more harm than good, the others and I will have no choice but to do something about it.”

          Nodding, Xemnas watched him. “That’s fair, I expect nothing less. I have no reason to do such things, though, I need motives.”

          They remained in silence for a few uncomfortable seconds.

          “Anyhow, lunch.” Isa said while he walked over to the island counter and began to slather butter on some slices of French bread. “What are you hungry for?  I’m making myself a grilled cheese.”

          “I’ll have one of those, as well.”

          Xemnas somehow both leisurely and stiffly walked over. He leaned on the small island counter and sighed while Isa further prepared his. He looked like he wanted to say something but didn’t. His body was feeling heavy again.

“I suppose I should apologize about attempting to kill you and usurp your role within the Organization and then betraying you again after that.” Isa casually said while he turned the stove on.

          “Given the situation, I don’t think apologizing over that is necessary. We were using each other, anyhow. I’m glad you didn’t kill me, though.”

          “Ironically, my intentions to do so resulted in this. We share that latter sentiment, despite everything.”

          “It seems your commitments always tend to backfire in a strange way.”

          “It’s a definite trend…” Isa groaned.

“While we’re on the topic of the past, do you know what happened with X?” He asked, turning to him.

          “The girl?” Xemnas’s brows furrowed. “We knew about as much as you do. She showed up, she remembered nothing of her life except one phrase, we ran tests on her heart, and she disappeared without a trace. Ansem—Terra’s Heartless—was tasked with investigating it, but anything he found out is gone with him. Ansem the Wise may know more…”

          _…Or Xigbar. He seems to know more than I ever have—and than what Xehanort had ever known._

          “So it’s still a mystery for the ages.” Isa’s shoulders sagged.

          “Unfortunately. It’s been so long, as well.”

          “I wonder if we’ll ever know.” Isa sighed and returned to putting the bread on the skillet.

          Xemnas shrugged, walking over to the fridge for the milk. “With the amount of digging around everyone does, I wouldn’t be surprised if we learn a thing or two. _Finding_ her after so long, though, is unlikely.”

          Isa grunted in begrudged agreement. It was fairly unrealistic for him to find much on her, let alone _actually_ find her. For all he knew, she could have died there and it was covered up and never reported.

          “You aren’t the only one compelled by her existence. She’s why I exist, because Xehanort was interested in picking up where studies on her left off. It seems your connection to her is different.”

          “Yes, Lea and I had sneaked into the castle and found and spoke with her. We were motivated to get her out of there, but she had disappeared by the time we got back in.”

          “Curiosity is a captivating thing, I suppose.”

         

          After they ate, Xemnas walked around the apartment to get some blood moving and took another nap. Upon waking again a few hours later, he had that distant look in his eyes as he tried to process the feelings that were hitting him like a brick as they started connecting to memories. He wasn’t used to revisiting the memories of right before Sora and company confronted him (the first time) when all other members had faded and feeling _sad_. He wasn’t used to thinking back on the more casual days and feeling what he figured out was _actual happiness_. He was started to wonder if he _had_ felt these in the past, but he was just too dense or in denial to even notice.

          He dared to say he was even experiencing grief that other members had faded, the sense of community was shattered, and he would likely never see some members again, especially Xigbar. He was off doing whatever plot required him that Xemnas was no longer privy to knowing about. He, Xigbar, and Saïx would hang out in their free time, sometimes.

          “I think this might help you get your emotions a little more organized, and it may just feel good to vent privately.” Isa suggested, bringing over a blank journal with a black cover and magnetic clasp to keep it closed. “I still have one of my own, and it helps sort my thoughts.”

          He continued as Xemnas took it and examined it. “There’s no need to discuss your day like we all used to if you don’t want to. Even if you’re just mentioning what emotions you’re feeling and perhaps any memories associated with it, it could help.”

         “I see, thank you.” Nodded Xemnas.

          Isa gave him some privacy while he started on an entry and settled onto his bed, but much to his chagrin his phone rang. He picked up.

          “Oh good, you’re available.” Even sighed while he pulled out a notepad and set the gummiphone on a stand on his desk. “How is Xemnas faring?”

          “Physically, he’s doing well. I don’t see any signs of deterioration or instability other than fatigue. We’re careful about sanitation since he may have a weakened immune system and he just needs extra sleep. Emotionally, though…”

          “Well, it’s to be expected he’ll have a hard time with that. It’s something new for him, and data write-ins supporting the full emotional abilities of the heart are fairly new for him.”

          “That seems a bit unethical to include something that’s not originally a part of him that he didn’t consent to and it causes distress.” Isa scowled.

          Even scowled back, retorting, “He had fragments of that ability, we’ve simply stabilized it. I’m sure he’s also gone in with the knowledge emotions will be something he’ll have to face. It’s part of having a heart.”

“Fine, yes, but do you think he’ll ever be emotionally on par with the rest of us?”

          “It’s hard to tell. Our method of transplanting his heart into a replica is different this time. His original lack of emotions—or at least a perceived one—at such an age of brain development as well as the living situation he was in may cause some emotional limitations. I’d hazard to say what he _is_ capable of feeling will…settle, I suppose. There’s only so much we could build on, so even if we enable him to feel most emotions, they’ll probably be to a lesser degree.”

          “I can see that happening. I doubt he’ll actually change all that much socially outside of having a limited sense of guilt, empathy, and a conscience to function with in general. If that’s the case, regardless, it doesn’t seem like that will be dangerous. He’s not likely to cause trouble if he is not motivated to do so.”

          “I’d still be wary of him, Isa.” Even retorted warily.

          “The most he’s concerned with lately is sleeping, showering, and eating.”

          “As he feels better and more energized, however…”

          “We’ll see how it goes once we get there. For the time being, he’s being extremely cooperative.”

          “…Very well. What is he up to at the moment?”

          “He’s sleeping or contemplating. Being up and about is still very exhausting and he doesn’t have the energy for much else, apparently. The energy it takes to process new emotions must also take a lot out of him.”

          Even scribbled something down as he spoke. “I don’t doubt it. Well, anyhow, let me know once he’s a bit more emotionally stable and we’ll check up on his physical health. I’m not too concerned if he isn’t displaying any symptoms beyond fatigue.”

          “Alright. I’ll tell him that.” Isa nodded. “Do you have any other questions?”

          “No, nothing I can think of as of now.”

          “So be it, good-bye.”

          “Good-bye.”

          The video ended and Isa closed the app. Well, that was far briefer than he anticipated, and he was happy about that. He set the phone down on the nightstand. Sprawling out, he sighed. He closed his eyes and drifted off.

          A light knock on the door caught his attention. How long was he asleep, or at least dozing off? He looked over at his phone; he'd been out for about 10 minutes.

          Xemnas stiffly peered through the door that was already cracked open.

          “Yes?” Isa asked, lifting his head.

          “I feel there’s still much to talk about.”

          “There is.” Isa nodded and rose to his feet.

          _It was probably good to take a break, though._

          Xemnas stepped back and they walked into the living room, air tense.

          “There’s an elephant in the room.” He said.

          “I’d hazard to say there’s a herd.”

          “That’s true.” Xemnas dryly chuckled. “I’d like to discuss one topic in particular, however. It’s been bothering me.”

          “Alright.” Isa nodded as he sat on the couch.

Xemnas took a seat next to him and tucked his hands into his lap. He turned to him, eyebrows slightly furrowed. “How…do you feel about me?”

          Taken aback, Isa frowned. They didn’t really elaborate on this earlier, did they? He stared off at the painting parallel from the couch. “It’s mixed. I can’t help but resent you for using me and involving me in something that stripped me of a decade of my life,” Isa uttered, “but at the same time I also went behind your back for my own purposes and for other reasons, I can’t find it in myself to truly be-all-end-all _hate_ you.”

          “If you did, I wouldn’t be here.”

          “Correct. The other side of it is…I’m almost thankful I joined the Organization.”

          Xemnas’s eyebrows furrowed further incredulously. “What?”

          “If I didn’t, I could have been lost in the fall of Radiant Garden entirely. It also gave me the means to truly understand what having a purpose is like and losing it, what person I become once that happens. Sometimes you need to lose something to understand what it means to you.” Isa looked to the floor.

          “It leaves room to gain, as well. I believe we both know that’s not all.” Isa added. “There’s…something.”

          “That something.”

          “Despite our purported lack of feelings, despite the situation, it felt strong and almost mocking.”

          “I agree. It was never something we could have acted on—it got in the way.”

          “What name could we put to it, now that we are equals and have the means to process our feelings?”

          “Judging how it goes with others and on a rather…clinical psychological level, I believe the closest thing we could liken it to is infatuation (but with a history) or perhaps a bit beyond that. It needs time to be built upon and developed, but it’s there.” Xemnas said, rolling the word around in his head.

          Isa perked up. “So it’s mutual?”

          “It has been, hasn’t it? Although, my half of it is more recent, considering my initial lack of feelings. In the past, it was more what I _would have felt_ _based on such and such_ instead of _feeling_.”

          “That makes me feel better.” Isa sighed, an almost sheepish smile ghosting his face.

          Xemnas tilted his head, confused. “You’re surprised?”

          “You can be hard to read, and, well, I didn’t exactly have a fleshed-out idea of how you act in sexual versus romantic relationships, so I was left to assume it was purely the former.” Isa shrugged.

          “I’m what they call _touch-starved_ , so that contributed to my penchant for being very tactile even at the start. I also like physical contact with you, if that wasn’t obvious.” Xemnas snorted.

          “That makes sense.”

          “Is this even a good idea to pursue, though?” Xemnas questioned as his shoulders stiffened back up.

          “If it fails, we can move on from it.” Isa said and patted his shoulder. “We learn from our mistakes, yes?”

          “It can’t hurt to try. I think it’d bother me somewhat if we didn’t.”

          “So, regarding that, er, how do you feel about more intimate physical contact?” Isa asked. “I don’t mean sex, but things like hand-holding, hugging, and the like.”

          “I’m fine with it. I still need to adjust to tactile contact again, so we could stand to make any efforts apparent so I can expect it.”

          “That works.”

          “On that note…” Xemnas continued, slightly spreading his arms in an almost shy manner.

          Isa eagerly scooted closer and took him up on the offer. Looping his arms around his waist, he rested his chin on his shoulder. He relaxed as his body heat seeped into him.

          This hug felt new from him—it wasn’t as though they’d never embraced before, because they had many times—but it was never so enveloping and front-to-front. Typically, it was just splaying out against each other or some spooning after sex or after Isa had night terrors and he happened to be around him (childhood trauma and strange triggers were a bitch...); Isa knew Xemnas couldn’t understand what having parents was like, nor could he understand what having people who were _supposed_ to be parents but failed in every aspect was like, but he still appreciated the gesture. But yeah, this one was different, this one was an...

          “I missed you.” He murmured just barely above his breath.

          Xemnas smiled, his arms around him tightening. “I can say the same.”

          “Bit fucked up, though, isn’t it?” Isa mused, feeling himself further relaxing into him.

          He could feel Xemnas's heartbeat. While he had always had _the organ_ , its pounds felt...fuller, livelier.

          “I would say, but there's been stranger and we’re both happy about it.”

          “That, we are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to hold off on posting this until AFTER I released the Another Place comic to retain more interest in it, but since I postponed that to the middle of the year I figured it wouldn't hurt to post it now; I think most people invested in this AU would also love to see it in comic form in addition anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> Redemption AU is finally in fic form! If you follow my art account on Twitter or Tumblr, then you'd have probably seen my posts of art for this AU.
> 
> This was originally going to be a huge oneshot, but I decided to break this up into two chapters to get it up here faster and as motivation for me to, y'know, finish it. This chapter was more to set things up than what I'm sure y'all are here for. That'll be next chapter, all in one tasty long chapter of XemSai goodness.


End file.
